LETTER TO MUTURI: GET WELL SOON BROTHER

I wonna write a very long letter to you my dear friend Muturi. A letter with the intelligence of Mark Papino[I have always admired how he thinks]. In it I will endeavor to evade the mediocrity of Peter Ouma[despite having too much hair, he has never discovered ‘akili ni nywele’]. But if I start my letter this way, I may risk losing my friendship with a couple of people so I may have to take a different turn. 

So I go like this:

Hello Muturi,

I wasn’t there when some nincompoops who thought they had big enough balls could settle on a pool-stick [if that is the name] to injure you so bad. I only got the news and it pricked me so hard. Through writing this, I express my strong belief and that of your fellow comrades that you will get out of that bed and put to shame those hooligans who thought that they have the last say on your life. I have never really believed in revenge but ever since I had the horrible news, I have prayed for your good health and quick recovery. Besides, I have prayed that you become the commander in chief of the armed forces someday so that you could revive the Nyayo Torture Chambers purposely for those two cowards. All of us wonna see you again walking along those corridors smiling at everyone like you used to do.

I am particularly in deep regret of spending only fragments of my time with you and for now I will tell you the truth that it is only my faith that you will be well that has masked my deep fears for your life. If you will fight bravely for your life, then I can assure you that things will change. You MUST get well….You SHOULD get well so that you may see the great lessons that we have learnt from your state. It hurts that it took an innocent you, for comrades to discover the ugliness of goonship but in a beautiful way I may say that you have united our class. See, Muturi, today guyz met juz to make special prayers for you, would you believe that? Well, you have to get well then you will get first hand information about it. You will laugh to discover that we love you so much that we united until we divided at some point when we barely shared similar opinion. You will be told about Peter Ouma and Jeff Onami, then you will understand what I am talking about.

In the pieces of my time with you, I have always imitated how you always staggered when you have taken a little too much. Haha! This is something am gonna do again. Am so waiting for you to jump out of that bed and then your first two bottles will be on me. Wait a minute! Come to think about it again, I don’t think it is a wise, rather, clever idea. Maybe you should quit that stuff yeah but am so booking a date for Nyama Choma. You can use this letter as evidence in case I ever deny that I promised you nyama choma because I have perfected the habit of breaking promises. If it were possible, I would have roasted the brains of Salim and Mose, but I actually fear the taste. At the same time, I wouldn’t want you to put mediocre stuff into your system. It would have been very wonderful though for you to send those niggas down the Kimberly sewer systems…especially Wing B. It has a stronger legacy of stinking stuff.

You will recall that day in Busia when you were so overwhelmed to do anything. Saiguran and I picked you up, helped you to have a shower and later take breakfast. The other things you did were pretty much embarrassing and we shall laugh at them together when you are back here. That was probably the longest time we spent together and I will always be proud to know that the longest time I spent with you, I was of great importance and am thanking God for that chance.

Now, I get to the strongest part of this letter. It has always sounded so gay to tell a man how much you love him….but for the fact that I shed a tear when I saw you yesterday, I am not afraid of saying that I love you so much that I want you to get well. Everybody here wants you to get well. Classes will be different without you around, Campus will be different without you around, Life to most people will certainly change without you around…I was to skip this part but let me just say it [the nights will be colder for some lady somewhere without you around]. There are just a million reasons why you should get back here: and for I cannot sign for everyone who cares here, I want you to know that for the short time you have been away from us, we miss you and we are praying for you.

Get well soon Muturi. Fight on.

Yours crazy comrade

Sammy Nakitare