MEN ARE THE BEST MARKETERS

First, allow me to begin by excusing myself. In this writing, I will endeavor not to show how exemplary I am in the field of Sales and Marketing by using relevant and contextual words, but just so you know I know, I will explain some of them, lest you think I don’t know what I am talking about:

• ·         Return on Investment – This is what you get back after you have heavily invested on something. E.g Dowry. The perfect example is this though, when a man spends all he has in his wallet to buy a lady drinks, he is actually targeting the return on investment.
• ·         Market penetration – Market is an open place where things are sold. Penetration is ‘going into’. Putting the two together, Market penetration is the process of going into a market. E.g When a man pays a ‘hooker’ for services; you say he has penetrated the market.
• ·         PCV (Product Category Volume) – This is the confusion of PVC (Polyvinyl Chloride) E.g If a campus boy has a carpet at his place, rest assured it is PVC or PCV, whichever.

Well, at least now that we have looked at the definition of terms, we could go to our main topic. Our thesis statement here is: Men are the best Marketers.

Over years now, men have demonstrated their power of using the tongue to convince, which is the whole logic behind sales and marketing. So if I am to start a company that would require such services, then all my employees will definitely be men. I have all the reasons to believe that they are the best.

See, I am not that kind of person that you call very handsome, well because a few of my friends have severally commented that I resemble Julia Ojiambo. To add insult to injury, rather, subtract hair from my head, I have this al shabaabs who have my head under siege and are responsible for the speedy loss of my hair. Now, my friends believe that I am not so clever. They say “brain is hair” [akili ni nywele] and so my encroaching bald screams the level of foolishness in me. My teeth are not really the best but I won’t complain [it is not everyone who is blessed to have teeth that are almost white]. My tummy has constantly been a disappointment. The four cubes that I once had have successfully coagulated and collaborated to form an OPU coalition. Now, for my brothers who understand me, they know that a political opposition ONE PACK UNITED hanging right below your chest does not auger well with pretty ladies, maybe average ones. This has led me to a general conclusion: Lucifer was somewhere around distracting The Almighty with funny stories when He was busy creating me. He must have cracked a joke like: “Eh Mungu, mbona usipatie huyo mtu mapua kama chimney!” The Almighty must have definitely found it funny… funny enough…it is like He followed the advice. Now I am stuck with a nose that looks like a range rover’s exhaust pipe. In conclusion, I have only two consolations left:

• ·         The Bible, which assures me that despite my physical appearance short comings, I am frightfully [I have forgotten the actual word] and gorgeously [I am sure about this one] made.
• ·         Women. Ever since my last home science class that reminded me that I had reached puberty stage, I have never been single.

It is this second point that has made me arrive to my fact, men are the best marketers. In a society where competition is very high with an abundant supply of similar commodity yet demand is for the best commodity, an average looking human being like me must have perfect marketing skills to sustain your value in the market. Unfortunately, you are your own salesman. Remember you are also competing with products that are not readily available like: Chris Brown, Trey Songs, Alejandro Lombardo and so on and so forth. Putting this into consideration, it is my tongue that has sustained my value in the market. I have been quite able to confuse several women that I am the perfect choice commodity available in the market. I have wittingly convinced them that my pot belly is an artificial cover to some six -pack hidden in there. Somehow, I have also managed to prove to them that in as much as I may be a Julia Ojiambo look- alike, I smile better that Atwoli and that has made me popular. Though recently, I met this customer, who I told, “You leave me breathless”. She looked at my nose twice, gave me a horrible sneer and walked away. Point is, there are times business is also not quite good but you learn from mistakes. I will work on some marketing strategy for my nose to make me entirely hot potato or is it hot cake. That depends with your preference, I like hot potato.

So now you know that I am not the only man with these marketing skills. If you are a lady in a relationship, your man is the evidence to this because I can bet that every time you tell him, he is the hottest man in the world to you, you are actually lying to him. Someone may also argue that how can a man be the best marketer when it comes to dealing with men customers. Mmh…I had thought about that. You don’t need to convince him, convince the WIFE.