I HAVE MADE PEOPLE

I know some of you will not believe me. In my short life so far, I am bragging of having made great people and I am still going to make more so watch my space. Let me give you a breakdown of the list of people I have made.

NOTE: This is just 2.1% of the people I have made.

SENATOR GSO OUMA KODHEK

• PRESIDENTIAL APPOINTEE AS A MEMBER OF THE BOARD OF GOVERNORS GEOTHERMAL DEVELOPMENT COMPANY
• VIED FOR KILIMANI WARD REPRESENTATIVE SEAT

I know he may argue about this but nobody knows this man very well better than I do, apart from his wife-that is if he finally decided that the only way he can see better without his spectacles is through his wife’s eyes. In this one I thank God, because finally GSO will not set his eyes on my woman again like he used to do. So am safe [I mean, she is safe]. Now, apart from GSO always stealing my novels in high school that he used to better his communication skills and overshadow all form ones in debate and public speaking, he had one don’t-touch-my-shoe trouser that he put on everyday while in his last year in Friends School Kamusinga. As I told you I made this man so this story of behind every successful man, there is a woman is rubbish in this case. Behind every GSO’s success, there is my missing [am avoiding to use ‘stolen’ ] form one trouser. I have just heard some rumour that President Uhuru has appointed the man somewhere in some big geothermal office, so GSO, am coming for my trouser. If at all you ever will vie for the presidency of this county, please bring my novels back too, otherwise I will publish this story in 1000 pages.

PAUL MUNGAI KIONGERA [AKA-MODO]

HARAMBEE STARS PLAYER, FORMER GOR-MAHIA LOANEE, KCB MIDDLE FIELDER

I take pride in the fact that I was not only in the same hostel with him in the great Kamusinga but his brother, Sammy Kiongera was an unsuccessful pursuer of my sister. So basically, we could have been relatives…that makes us distant relatives. I am one man who believes that it is only your left foot that can save Man-U’s terrible season this time round. If you put your right foot in too, then we can as well run away with that title for the 20 somethingth[Don’t correct me, just stick to soccer] time. I will always remind people that you were my substitute in the soccer team, until I got a 2 years thumb injury, then you took my position and I was always there to lose my voice cheering you. Now I am one man who has always prayed that you live to experience a 6 weeks injury inflicted by Kun Aguero’s elephant foot. So when you get there, don’t forget your relative.

SADIKINI BATSO NYIRO
MOTHER-IN-LAW ACTOR : ALPHA

Every time I watch him on TV, I feel like getting the Mother- in- Law director, grab him by the collar and ask her, “How could you take my double-cast when the original idea was me”. On second thoughts, I discover that I am too naughty for such roles. How can you ask me to fall in love with someone, and then later on ask me to pretend to be her cousin? If I were the one, I am sure that cousin of mine would have already been 3 weeks pregnant with triplets. Now, how did I make Sadikini? He will also not admit this, but I know there is this one time we had eyes on the same girl. Since, I was the secretary then, I just cancelled his name out from the list of people that were to travel for drama festivals. So I had the whole day with her and bought her ice creams with money that Sadikini had bribed me with to fix his name back in the list. Rumours reached him later that the girl and I did several things at the backseat that day and since then I am sure, he swore to prove me wrong with everything he did. That is why when I met him a few years ago at Bomas as an actor and I a director, he worked even harder…and pap! Mother -in -Law. Big up man.

Now I have to make a confession, whoever told you we did several things on the backseat, lied. It was  more than just several things under the bus.

JACQULINE MWANGI

VIDEO GIRL AND TAHIDI HIGH ACTRESS: JOLENE

I don’t adore Meru for the mirror [which is spelt wrongly as miraa]. No! I have a lot to say about her, but let me just leave it from: she was my single-day girlfriend at the Drama Festivals in Meru. Now you know that I was actually a great inspiration to her becoming the hottest Insyder chick at that time. Let’s just say, the rest is history. You can ask DJ Mo [if at all it’s true they are dating]. That should tell you that there is one more person added to the list of the people I have made: DJ Mo.

Almost everything here is real, just put in a crazy way…so believe it.